Non Violence or Violence

Recently, I received an email from a mailing list with the following story and a
request for comments:

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Dr. Arun Gandhi, grandson of Mahatma Gandhi and founder of the M.K. Gandhi
Institute for Non-violence, in his June 9 lecture at the University of Puerto
Rico , shared the following story as an example of "non-violence in parenting":

"I was 16 years old and living with my parents at the institute my grandfather
had founded 18 miles outside of Durban, South Africa, in the middle of the sugar
plantations. We were deep in the country and had no neighbors, so my two sisters
and I would always look forward to going to town to visit friends or go to the
movies.

One day, my father asked me to drive him to town for an all-day conference, and
I jumped at the chance. Since I was going to town, my mother gave me a list of
groceries she needed and, since I had all day in town, my father ask me to take
care of several pending chores, such as getting the car serviced. When I dropped
my father off that morning, he said, 'I will meet you here at 5:00 p.m., and we
will go home together.'

After hurriedly completing my chores, I went straight to the nearest movie
theater. I got so engrossed in a John Wayne double-feature that I forgot the
time. It was 5:30 before I remembered. By the time I ran to the garage and got
the car and hurried to where my father was waiting for me, it was almost 6:00.

He anxiously asked me, 'Why were you late?' I was so ashamed of telling him I
was watching a John Wayne western movie that I said, 'The car wasn't ready, so I
had to wait,' not realizing that he had already called the garage. When he
caught me in the lie, he said: 'There's something wrong in the way I brought you
up that didn't give you the confidence to tell me the truth. In order to figure
out where I went wrong with you, I'm going to walk home 18 miles and think about
it.'

So, dressed in his suit and dress shoes, he began to walk home in the dark on
mostly unpaved, unlit roads. I couldn't leave him, so for five-and-a-half hours
I drove behind him, watching my father go through this agony for a stupid lie
that I uttered. I decided then and there that I was never going to lie again.

I often think about that episode and wonder, if he had punished me the way we
punish our children, whether I would have learned a lesson at all. I don't think
so. I would have suffered the punishment and gone on doing the same thing. But
this single non-violent action was so powerful that it is still as if it
happened yesterday. That is the power of non-violence."

"Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me."

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This is my comment on the above story.

There are many forms and levels of violence.

The effects of violence are more exquisite and impactful as it moves to more
subtle levels

Physical violence is the most gross form of violence (as a father beating his
child)

Emotional violence occurs when the father tortures himself in full view of his
loving son as punishment (as in this story). The son suffers a great deal more!

When love is withheld or denied, anger is expressed directly or indirectly (by
not communicating with a loved one) it is emotional violence

Intellectual violence occurs when learning or education is limited or
constrained. It occurs when there is a ban on the free exchange of ideas, and
thoughts.

When freedom of the press is abolished, books are censored/banned/burnt, people
are imprisoned or exiled/expelled for expressing ideas, opinions or
philosophies, it is intellectual violence.

Ego violence occurs when the ego is directly or indirectly subject to violence.

Public humiliation, insult, social exclusion, criticism, censure, taunts are all
examples of violence to the ego

What is interesting is that violence is an essential and integral part of life.
We all need it and benefit from it. The only caveat is, that it must be used in
authorized, discriminate and intelligent manner.

The best example is that of a Surgeon. He uses a knife with surgical precision
to extirpate gangrene and disease..

Physical violence is necessarily a last resort for the Police and the Armed
Forces to keep us safe.

Where a nation or state has used non violence as state policy, it is over run
and enslaved.

When Indians (especially the kshatriyas) were swayed by non violent religions,
we weakened and lost our independence to invasions from land and sea borders.

India gained independence not because of any non violent movement, but because
the British were exhausted, depleted of both resources and manpower,thus
completely incapable of running a restive Colonial Empire after the violence of
World War II.

Tibet was the only nation that resisted Genghis Khan effectively. When it
adopted a non violent way of life it was over run and absorbed into the Republic
of China

Emotional violence is regularly used by parents to discipline their children. As
in the story above, it works far more effectively than physical violence.

Intellectual violence is used by the State to protect us from pornography,
seditious material and anything that will promote public disorder

It is used by the Guru to protect us from contrary philosophies/other spiritual
teachers who would confuse us, weaken or faith, and/or distract us from the path
that He is leading us on.

Violence to the ego is one of the primary duties of the Guru who is singularly
authorized for this task. By constantly sniping at, directly assaulting ,
demolishing and finally annihilating the ego - the Guru removes this one
obstacle that stands between us and God


(c) Dr. Shantanu Nagarkatti